I am on about a combined 3.5 hours of sleep, so forgive me if I'm all over the place here.
So much about my life has been consumed with Blair, really ever since we found out we were pregnant, but especially since her birth (2 weeks ago today). I haven't been spending a tenth of the amount of time I used to spend with Landon these past 2 weeks and I have to admit, it's been really challenging, for me and for him.
Blair is truly an angel baby, she's nursing like a champ, barely even cries (I know), and although she is up (a lot) feeding at night, she sleeps pretty much all day. Landon has been great with her, I think partly because we prepared him so well for her impending arrival (and it probably also helps that she keeps buying him little presents ;)). Everyone told me he would regress and be jealous and not like his new little sibling, but that really has not been the case at all - I am so impressed with how he is with Blair, he is very careful and gentle around her and really doesn't try to touch her or play with her at all yet. He (not surprisingly) loves to help out with her, his big brother tasks right now include throwing away her dirty diapers, handing me new diapers, helping push her stroller, and reporting that "she's okay" when I ask him how she's doing in the car. He can't pronounce L's yet so he calls her "baby Bear" and makes cute little comments on whatever she's doing like, "baby Bear's drinking milk" or "baby sister is sleeping in her basket" and yesterday when she let out a little baby sneeze I hear Landon from the other room yell out, "Bless you Bear!"
But the past 2 weeks have been hard. Landon stayed at my FIL's while we were in the hospital for 3 days, and missed lots of naps, some school and therapy. We got hit by a tornado, lost power, and had to check into a hotel on day 3 home from the hospital. So he's basically been thrown all over the place, sleeping (not sleeping well) outside his own bed, having everyone else other than me feed/bathe/play with him, and with all the commotion of a new baby, never ending errands, visitors, and crazy schedules all around, he's been unable to take his (very necessary) afternoon naps lately, which makes for a very cranky, and difficult to manage, kiddo.
I definitely feel guilt over all this and I know his behavior lately has everything to do with my inability right now to cater to his schedule. I miss being able to spend time with him. I miss getting under the covers with him and reading him bedtime stories and putting him to sleep. I miss sharing lunch with him. I miss taking him to the park and going for walks and making crafts with him. But right now Blair is nursing every 2-4 hours for sometimes an hour each time and I just can't physically be present for both of them right now at this point in her young life. I know that soon I will have her going longer and longer in between feedings and I will be able to work out giving each of them my undivided attention, and to say I'm very much looking forward to that day would be an understatement.
But even now at two weeks in, I feel confident moving forward he'll get back to normal. Beginning today, I'm putting him back on a nap schedule after school from 1-3, and his bedtime of 8/8:30pm. He'll be eating better - there's been much more junk food than I like to admit and giving into his cookie and chip demands to appease him during this transition - and starting this week we'll be reintroducing the potty, which hopefully we will have mastered by end of next month.
As for me? I have no idea when the next time is I'll feel well rested. But I'm enjoying this time with Blair, I love breastfeeding and the strong bond that we've created, and I feel so much more confident the second time around with a newborn. I made it out in public with her just a few days after we came home from the hospital (but still have yet to make it out in public with two kids by myself - definitely the true test). But I feel like I've got a lot on my plate with two kids now, constant things to do around the house and yard, more laundry than can you can imagine, an ever-growing to-do list, and I've been stressing out about where we will be living when we have to move out of here by February.
Aside from all that, I am extremely thankful for this time in my life, a healthy, beautiful little girl who is going to start growing (fast) right before my eyes. For sweet little Landon who is stepping up into his big brother shoes like a champ, and for my wonderful husband who works so hard to allow me to stay home and enjoy this precious time and fleeting moments with my two babies. I've been beyond humbled and grateful for the outpouring of love, help and generosity our family and friends have shown us these past few weeks, and my heart has truly never felt more full. I'm taking it all in, one day at a time. The weather has been horribly cold - I can't believe it's actually snowing right now - but I'm enjoying spending the days inside, toasty warm with our heat at a constant 72 degrees, our fake fireplace roaring, the glee holiday station on Pandora playing nonstop on my computer, and slowly but surely settling back into our lives and the reality moving forward as a new family of four.